She got better. She cleaned, and rejoiced in fresh air, the kind that smells like clean laundry, coffee and life. She may have had a little boogie with no music playing. She may make cupcakes today, a little seed of an idea planted in her mind and a new goal has formed while the darkness of yesterday left her unable to recognise a glimmer of hope until it started to bloom. Yes. She got out of bed, and cleaned. She knows she’s not mad at her family. She’s just mad. Everyone knows that.
I’ve forgiven myself for my little time apart, and remembered to push forward, into remembering the little joys, greater than the sum of their parts. It’s just no fun while I forget. But yes, sometimes I do forget, and I understand and accept that. I have to.
It makes the sudden switch from darkness to light evermore amazing. I blink my way back to where I should be, and memories crash back as I realise how absolutely lucky I am. My smile grows wider. And when my heart feel so big I can hardly contain it – I dance. I dance myself back to life.
But the truest joy isn’t that I remember. It’s knowing that when I feel like this, anything can happen.