So, a day before Father’s day I posted a sort of farewell letter to a man who used to be very important to me. Today, I say goodbye to the biological one.
You’re a child.
When things don’t go your way you toss your dummy, scream and huff about how unfair the world is to you. Have you ever stopped to think about the fact that all those injustices have only one thing in common? Take a bow Mr Matthews, you’re the star of the show!
I always knew too much about you. You wear your heart on your sleeve and your lies on your face. You treated me as a confidant, not a daughter, and I gave up so much for you. One by one the children you fathered fell away, unable and unwilling to deal with your pouting – but I stuck around. I made excuses for you. I felt sorry for you. I lost a great friendship and a brother for you. Twice.
I gave up, finally. I had to. I didn’t agree with you on our last meeting. I held my tongue. I cared for my sister, after you left – she was a young woman just hours past a traumatic labour, and you made her cry. You walked in and you MADE HER CRY.
I’ve never been so angry with you in my life, and I have had plenty of experience in that. Don’t worry, I won’t elaborate. I don’t have that much free time… and I’m unemployed.
That was the one time you should not have made it all about you. The one time you could have acted like a father. That night I left the hospital and walked 4 miles and didn’t even notice. I was disgusted with you. Again, I’ve plenty of experience in that with you.
And yet, I still tried. I called. I texted. I spoke to you about my wedding. And yet I’ve not heard from you at all. I’m done trying.
Your girlfriend walked right by me yesterday. I’ve got bright red hair and she didn’t miss me. Neither did her mother. Your youngest daughter, I’ll give the benefit of the doubt too, since she hasn’t seen her oldest sister since November. Today I tried to contact your girlfriend on facebook. I’m off her friends list. When did that happen? I texted you my new number two weeks ago. Nothing. I just called you, to be sure. Well, you’re certainly not using that number anymore, are you?
You chicken shit.You couldn’t even face me to tell me how much of a coward you are. It’s ok though. I knew all along.
You’re going to die alone Roy. You’ll fuck this little family up too. Why change the habit of a lifetime? And I’ve gave up caring.
I will never contact you again. You’ve just lost the one person in the world who understood you and tried to love you anyway.